why not homebirth?

I'm so irritated that I keep starting and restarting this post. I'm baffled. No matter how much I think about it, I can't for the life of me figure out why the state of Illinois should be invested in keeping midwives from practicing. Yeah, great, we have certified nurse midwives who are trained with hospital policies in mind, and not legally permitted to attend homebirths, and most often work for the hospital. Umm, this is not helpful. I cannot trust that this person will be an advocate for me to make sure my well researched choices are honored. In fact, in many cases this person may not be allowed, by hospital policy, to let the parents choose what does and doesn't happen to their child immediately after birth. Even if a particular midwife, nurse, doctor, hospital will allow you to make these decisions, it's hard to know that your birth plan will be followed when 98% of parents probably choose to just follow the standard procedure. I'm not down on that. I think *every* parent has a right to choose what interventions will be administered to his or her baby and when, and if a parent's choice is to follow the hospital's standard procedure, I think that's fine. I just don't feel very sure that the experience my partner, my child, and I will have, will be under our control. I want more than anything to give birth in my home, with my partner, and then to lay in bed together as a family, enjoying our very special day. All studies indicate that this is at *least* as safe as giving birth in a hospital, especially for low risk situations. I'm really saddened that this is looking very unlikely. I suppose that we could have the child at home without *any* professional help, but that's a little further than feels safe for me, even though many people do it successfully. I'm just completely lost as to why the state has made the only choices to be In a Hospital where you will be attended by medical professionals, or at home with no help at all, while excluding the safest, most natural option, of having a trained professional help you give birth at your home. Meanies!

Majorly Impatient

I simply can't wait to find out if the Razz is being baked. I feel really optimistic about it, especially since my chart is starting to look better. The Clomid has the pre-O temps artificially elevated, so right after ovulation it didn't really look like my temps went up at all and I was starting to worry that I didn't actually ovulate. There's no doubt that I did now and that's a big first step. If you figure that the pre-O temps were artificially high, it also looks like there might be a triphasic pattern emerging, which would be a nice pregnancy indicator (although no guarantee). I just can't wait to find out. I know, I said that already, but I can't help it. I REALLY want this to be the month. All the signs are positive...I just can't believe I have to wait another 10 DAYS to find out for sure. How will I ever make it that long!

The ongoing internal debate over lexapro...

I think that's a definite no throughout pregnancy, and sadly a probably no while nursing :( I keep going back and forth on this.

I've lived with depression throughout a lot of my childhood, most of my teen years, and all of my adult life. When you're depressed, it's really difficult to get yourself motivated enough to get help. For me (and I think this is pretty common too) it was also difficult because I bounced around from feeling like I didn't deserve help or didn't deserve to feel better and feeling like I shouldn't need help, to thinking I should just be able to decide to feel better, to feeling like some people just aren't happy people, and that was just how I was *supposed* to feel. Last year I had an "event" which made it pretty much impossible not to get help, and I managed to get myself to a doctor who prescribed lexapro. It changed my life completely. I was a totally different person. Some people would say I was no longer myself, but I really do think it's more like I was finally myself. After doing really well on the lexapro for 9ish months, we decided we were ready to have a baby, and I decided I needed to go off the lexapro in order to do that. I've been off it for 3 months now, and I am again a totally different person. I feel like I'm managing it better at the moment and I'm hopeful that I can continue to manage it without medication, but I really miss it.

Anyhow, this was my point:

from http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic/lexapro_wcp.htm

Pregnancy-Nonteratogenic Effects

Neonates exposed to LEXAPRO and other SSRIs or SNRIs, late in the third trimester, have developed complications requiring prolonged hospitalization, respiratory support, and tube feeding. Such complications can arise immediately upon delivery. Reported clinical findings have included respiratory distress, cyanosis, apnea, seizures, temperature instability, feeding difficulty, vomiting, hypoglycemia, hypotonia, hypertonia, hyperreflexia, tremor, jitteriness, irritability, and constant crying. These features are consistent with either a direct toxic effect of SSRIs and SNRIs or, possibly, a drug discontinuation syndrome. It should be noted that, in some cases, the clinical picture is consistent with serotonin syndrome (see WARNINGS).

When treating a pregnant woman with LEXAPRO during the third trimester, the physician should carefully consider the potential risks and benefits of treatment (see DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION).

Labor and Delivery

The effect of LEXAPRO on labor and delivery in humans is unknown.

Nursing Mothers

Racemic citalopram, like many other drugs, is excreted in human breast milk. There have been two reports of infants experiencing excessive somnolence, decreased feeding, and weight loss in association with breast feeding from a citalopram-treated mother; in one case, the infant was reported to recover completely upon discontinuation of citalopram by its mother and, in the second case, no follow up information was available. The decision whether to continue or discontinue either nursing or LEXAPRO therapy should take into account the risks of citalopram exposure for the infant and the benefits of LEXAPRO treatment for the mother.

What a relief....

OK, this is the second time I'm writing this due to some cookie issues earlier today. We went for our second cycle5 IUI yesterday and it was wonderful. We saw our usual and favorite inseminatrix, and she, as usual was cheerful, helpful, fast, and friendly. She looked at the notes from the sonogram and assured us that my left ovary is actually totally fine. Best we can figure, the radiologist must have meant that the *follicle* on the left ovary was tiny, which it was. We feel very optimistic about this cycle, and our FI even said she felt like this was the cycle. I hope we're all right. We also went on a date after inseminating (I think it's probably *only* people using AI/ART who go out on dates *after* trying to get pregnant!). We saw In Her Shoes, which turned out to be a Good Movie, and much better than the book. Yay! We also played a game of airhockey. We were very close all game, but it was S who pulled off the 7-6 win. Congratulations, babe! Nicely played.

Get in my belly!

OK. I decided to go ahead and start this now. This is our fourth cycle trying to conceive. Unfortunately, it's only the second cycle we have been able to inseminate. The journey so far has been complicated, but not as complicated as it is for a lot of people I suppose. Here are the highlights:

• Cycle 1
  

  
  Ok, we weren't really trying yet this cycle...just charting. The chart looked ok, not great, but then, we were also travelling and I wasn't doing the best job of taking my temps at the same time every day, so I just figured that was the problem.
  

  
  
• Cycle 2
  

  
  Perfect beautiful textbook chart, although long. Big sigh of relief. We ordered our sperm to arrive around CD16 I think (maybe I'll check that later). The sperm sat and sat while we waited for a positive ovulation predictor kit result...and then we ran out of time. The tank is only guaranteed for 7 days, so we had to send the "stuff" back or it would go bad. Next day, positive kit. Rush order a new sample (from a different donor) and inseminate on the next two days. Wait...wait...wait...test...negative...
  wait...test...negative...wait...period.
  

  
  
• Cycle 3
  

  
  Chart looks ok, but not as good as cycle 2, which will henceforth be known as the miracle cycle. Testing...Testing...1,2,3,4,5,6,7,(it's gotta be soon, order the "stuff") 8,9,10,11,12...ok, I guess I'm really not going to ovulate. Right. OK...send back the stuff (or more accurately, scowl at the stuff and say you'll send it back when you send it back, because this batch now has bad mojo after being sent back once already, and you don't want to use it again anyway). Look at the chart and say "Look, it really looks like I ovulated, doesn't it?" Gah!
  

  
  
• Cycle 4
  

  
  Buy fertility monitor so we feel like we're doing something. Have fun peeing on a stick for 8 days (low) 6 more days (high) and less fun for the next 6 days (also high, but never peak) Go to doctor to recheck thyroid (AOK on synthroid) and ask what we should do about the apparent No O cycles. Decide to start clomid.
  

  
  
• Cycle 5
  

  
  Clomid.Clomid.Clomid.Clomid.Clomid (CD5-9) Much excitement. CD14, sonogram. One lonely follicle 26X22mm. This is a really good size, but we're disappointed after having read other people's comments about have 3-6 good follicles, and also because this means no twins unless we get lucky with identicals. Then,
  Radiologist: "Wow, I can't find your left ovary. Oh, there it is. It's REALLY tiny."
  Me & S: "Umm, what does that mean"
  Radiologist: "Probably that it doesn't work"
  Sensitivity much? She was really nice though in all other ways, so I think she probably didn't realize how upsetting that would be to a couple trying to conceive. Even if it doesn't effect anything though, saying "Hey, your reproductive bits don't work" is upsetting. Then, New practitioner (certified nurse midwife) we haven't worked with before comes in, ignores S. Then later does the insemination inexpertly in comparison to our previous inseminatrix. We ask her what the small ovary means in general and for our future attempts should this one not be successful, and she says "She didn't mention it to me" When pressed she basically said "I don't know", but she used a lot of words and said it in a way that made it sound like she thought she was giving a useful informative answer. She also said "It doesn't matter" which is not the way you talk to a woman who is over-amped on estrogen and trying to make a baby, who just found out she only has one functioning ovary. Ok, in tears at the creation of my baby, was not at all what I expected. More to follow after today's insemination, where we hope to be attended by our previous practitioner who we LOVE.