Tag, I'm It!

I've been tagged by my beautiful, brilliant, sweet, and wonderful partner. It's a good thing she was the one to tag me, too, because this is now the third time I've tried to post this, and for anyone else, I would have given up by now! Here we go.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1. Have a kid
2. Live somewhere a lot more queer than here
3. travel, a lot
4. have another kid
5. learn to eat healthy without getting depressed about it
6. umm, I can't remember this one
7. Get a horse (come on, doesn't every little girl want a pony?)

Seven Things I Can’t Do:
1. Cross my eyes
2. Wink
3. Let go of the past
4. Eat just a little junk food, just once in a while
5. fly
6. I really had two more of these, but I couldn't remember them after I lost this post the first time. Wah!


Seven Things That Attract Me To Blogging:
1. Susan
2. Creating a keepsake for the baby-making time
3. Trying to remember what I did yesterday

Seven Things I Say Most Often: (not in order)
1. Mer, you're disgusting
2. I'm hungry
3. what do you want to do now?
4. Get out!
5. corn is such a pie
6. Let's talk about housesSHHH!
7. Good dog!

Seven Books That I Love:
1. Oryx and Crake
2. Wicked
3. Tipping the Velvet
4. The Ender's Game books
5. Time Enough for Love
6. Much Ado About Nothing
7. Mike Mulligan and His Steamshovel


Seven Movies I Watch Again and Again:
1. But I’m a Cheerleader
2. O Brother Where Art Thou
3. Big Eden
4. The Princess Bride
5. Eve’s Bayou
6. Jackie Brown (from now on, that movie rocks!)
7. The Matrix

Seven People I am Tagging to do this Meme:

1. >2. You people need to start blogs.
Yeah, that!

Metformin

So, I started the Metformin last night, and so far so good. Since we're not going to be inseminating for a couple of months and I won't have to worry so much about jostling the egg out and about being sure not to restrict my calories, I'm going to make a big push these next couple of months to lose some weight. I think if I really work at it, I should be able to lose 15 pounds by the end of March, so that's my goal. My big secret weapon in these two months shall be Dance Dance Revolution. Susan and I were at the mall yesterday and I heard the music from it playing at Tilt, and went over there to see that they did indeed have a Dance Dance arcade machine with the same music set as the version I have at home. This got me all reinvigorated on the Dance Dance. I still feel like a total dork when I dance dance, so there's no way I'm likely to ever play the arcade version when there's anyone around, but if I can find it on an empty night, I might be really tempted to go play it! But before that can ever happen, I definitely need to get back into it. Go Dance Dance!! :) In March, I'll also be joining the 1000 minute challenge on the forums I read. I think it will really help me continue to push myself on days when I just feel too lazy and time crunched to spend time exercising.

Ugh.

Ok, so yesterday was the test. We thought it was going to be an HSG, but they did a Saline Infused Sonogram instead. Basically, it's the same procedure, except that instead of using dye, they use saline, and instead of xRays they do a sonogram. This makes it seem like it's a little safer, and it probably is.

This appointment was a nightmare. On the upside, it was over quickly once we got in. We had to see the actual doctor for this test, which, I'm guessing, is why we had to wait 40 minutes past our appointment time. Now, our doctor is a very good doctor, and usually friendly, but rushed. That's fine, she's has lots of patients and lots of responsibilities; i expect her to be busy. What I don't expect is to be completely ignored as she blows off steam with the sonographer about how she can't get hold of another doctor who she needs to ask a favor of. I also do not expect to be left on the table with a speculum in while she leaves the room to answer her cell phone. On top of this, the procedure itself was very painful, though short, and I think the rush she was in and the infrequency with which they perform these test made it more painful than it needed to be.

We found out from the test that my tubes are fine, so that's not the problem. This leaves us no closer to figuring out what *is* the problem, if there is a problem at all. I mean, we've only tried three times with decent timing, and lots of people without any fertility problems take as many tries. But anyway, without knowing if there is anything really wrong or not, the next step we are taking is for me to take glucophage, which is a diabetes drug. The doctor warned me that I would most likely feel like absolute crap while taking it. This is because it lowers your blood sugar. Now, to me, it seems like if it's making you feel crappy, it must be lowering it too much, but I guess I'm wrong about that, since she told me to expect it. Whatever. We now get to skip this cycle and next cycle to give the glucophage a chance to work, and try again in april.

Dye.Dye.Dye

So, no luck last cycle, which means this cycle we will do an HSG, which is the dye test I talked about in the last post. This is good and bad. To get the bad out of the way first, it means we will have to skip this cycle. There are several ways in which it is good, however.

1. No clomid this month. This is good for two reasons: I can have a break from the emotional roller coaster, and I can chart see if I would ovulate without the clomid now, as sometimes happens after you've taken for a few cycles, oh, a third reason is that clomid also causes your endometrium to thin, which is bad for implantation and part of the reason they make you take a break after 6 months, so taking a break from it now will mean I have a better nest for the razz next month.
   
2. It seems that the pressure of the dye will sometime flush out small blockages from the fallopian tubes. When I read online about this happening for people, I thought it might just be coincidence for a few people, but I felt more encouraged when our PA actually mentioned it without any prompting from me.
   
3. If the test is clear and we do get pregnant on the next cycle after it, the razz will be conceived pretty close to Susan's birthday.
   
4. I can drink alcohol, caffeine, and nutrasweet in moderation this month
   
5. If the test is not clear, we will know what the problem is, and can move on to IVF or whatever our next option will be.
   

Obviously, the good outweighs the bad here.

Update

Just a brief status report: We had a follicle scan on wednesday and saw two good size (23X20) follicles on the left (yes, LEFT...woohoo, it works) ovary, and one pretty good one (18X16) on the right ovary. We did an insem and trigger shot wednesday, and a second insem today. Our wonderful pa told us the next step would be the test where they put a bunch of dye in your uterus, then watch it on ultrasound to see if it makes it through the tubes. If it doesn't, it means the tube is blocked. This gave me the idea that perhaps our lack of success has been due to a blocked tube on the right side. Since we have hardly had any follicles on the left before, that would make sense. Hopefully having two goodies on the left this time around will do the trick. They also had a recent twin conception through IUI at our clinic, so we're hoping to score some babydust off of that couple! If we manage not to obsess this time around, you shouldn't hear from me until I get either my period, or a positive test. Since the odds are strongly in favor of obsessing, however, I fully expect at least a couple more posts before that. Cross your fingers for us and send us fertile thoughts (hmm, does that sound a little dirty to anyone else? Oh well.)

ignore it....

This month we are trying the ignore it approach. I'm not charting; after the insem I'm not going to test at all until 16 days later if I haven't gotten my period; and this is hopefully going to be my last entry for this month. I hate to do this, because if I do get pregnant this cycle, I will be disappointed about not having the charts (don't ask me why), but it's still better than having another month during which both of us obsess constantly and make ourselves and each other miserable. Ok, miserable may be overstating a bit (but just a bit), but it really is difficult when we're both obsessing. I might get to a place where I'm feeling good and confident and not worried about it at all, but at that time Susan is bound to be feeling pessimistic and downtrodden, and then of course, we switch roles, only rarely both feeling good about the cycle at the same time. So this month, I'm taking my meds, then we're going for the follicle scan and trigger shot on cd14, inseminating on days 15 and 16 and then waiting until day 32 to test. That is all. See ya in 25-30 days.

wah.

So, by the looks of my chart it would seem that this month is a bust. I've seen a lot of charts that looked like "no way in hell" that ended up being pregnancies, but this chart is just too much like all of my other charts to mean anything other than "try again next month." I should know for sure tomorrow, except in the exceedingly unlikely case that I actually am pregnant, in which case, who knows when we'll know for sure? I didn't test today and I probably won't test tomorrow, but If I don't get my period by tomorrow, I will definitely be tempted to test the next day.

Women Vs. Technology

Ok, there was a picture of the home pregnancy test we destroyed, but I can't get the link to work right now, and my battery is about to die, so, instead you will have to click here to see it.


So, as you can see, we have finally succombed to tearing the tests apart. Seriously though, in this case there was a pretty decent reason. Everyone knows by the time they have been trying to conceive for 7 cycles that you should never read a pregnancy test after the 10 minute window because of the possibility of an evap line. This is a line that appears on pretty much any pregnancy test some time after the testing period, whether you are pregnant or not. What we didn't know is, how soon do evap lines really show up? This information would become vital tonight. I tested using an accuclear brand early result hpt, and saw nothing at all inside the 10 minute window. Since it is still early, we were a little disappointed and impatient, but not much more than that. Since we had thrown the test on the floor, it needed to be picked up. This was done about 25-30 minutes after the beginning of the test. And at this point there was clearly a pink line. I'm thinking (and saying) that thirty minutes should be way too soon to see an evap line. So we get the bright idea to go ahead and take the test apart and see if it is still wet, figuring that it shouldn't show an evap line until it's dry. So, we do, and it is still wet, so we are cautiously optimistic and take this as a good sign, but not much more that that. Then, the brilliant susan has an even better idea. She tests *her* pee and then we look at the stick 30 minutes later. She has a pink line too. Dammit! Oh well. We're really no worse off than we were this morning, but all that false hope really sets you up for a fall when the bubble bursts. wah!

lh wins, but hpt follows closely!

Ok, so yesterday I finally got a negative LH test. Barely. Today's was more negative still. When I did the accuclear pregnancy test yesterday, the results were so far off center that I couldn't see the line because of the shadow from the way the result window is inset. So I did a clearblue easy digital and it said "Pregnant." You gotta love the total clarity of those things! Then when I looked at the accuclear again holding the opposite way (so the shadow was on the opposite side) I could see the line easily. Oh well...One wasted backup test is not that big of a deal. Anyway, today the line on the accuclear was SO FAINT, that I thought I might be imagining it, so I did another CB digital and it said "Not Pregnant." With backup from susan, I'm now sure that the accuclear *did* show a very faint line, so that particular test must have been slightly more sensitive than the CB digital that I used. But now at least we have a baseline faintness on the accuclear. I'll keep testing every day and watch for it to get darker. I'll be curious to see if the line ever totally goes away (if I'm pregnant) or if it just stays faint until my body starts making its own HCG. It's really exciting to be in the phase where we can now trust a positive if it happens! :)

For those of us keeping score

It's neck and neck. Hopefully we'll end in a 3-3 tie. We now have inseminated on cycles 2,5,7 and skipped 3,4,6. I'm leaving 1 out because we weren't really trying to try that cycle.

Also, still testing positive for both pregnancy and lh surge, so the grand experiment shall continue tomorrow morning.

Fun With Science

So, since I got the hcg shot, a pregnancy test will come out positive until the injected hcg is out of my system. For fun, I'm testing every day until I see a negative. This could be anywhere from a few days to never. I'm really pulling for a negative around 7dpo, returning to positive at 10 or 12 dpo. For good measure, I'm also doing OPK's every day. So far, I've had a positive OPK every day since tuesday, dec 20. I've had a positive pregnancy test every day since thursday. Anyone want to bet which test will go negative first? Any suggestions of other types of home tests I can run on my pee? This is loads of fun, and it's helping my baby craziness to do something every day. In other news, my temps finally crawled above the coverline today. This was one of the strangest looking cycles I've had so far. Ultra consistent and high temps in the ovulatory phase, then lower consisitent temps for several days after ovulation, then today finally creeping above the coverline. With the progesterone, the rest of the cycle *should* stay above the coverline no matter what, but knowing my body, I'm at all sure what to expect.

It's all good

So, tuesday evening we had a REALLY positive OPK. Yay! Then wednesday morning was positive again, as has been the trend. Everything was looking perfect. We went for our IUI at 10:30 wednesday morning (that's yesterday, folks) and our sperm wasn't there. Doh! Well, no problem really. It was guaranteed to arrive by noon, so it wasn't *that* long to wait. We had figured it would get there earlier because in the past it has arrived by 8:30am. What we obviously forgot to account for was the holiday package frenzy that fedex would be dealing with. So, we went to breakfast and then did a little shopping and went back at 1. We got to use a new room on the surgical side of the office since they had to work us back into the schedule and all the regular rooms were taken. So, we had the insem, which was less comfortable than usual. I suspect I'm just becoming more of a whiny baby about it and it wasn't *really* any more uncomfortable than usual. Then, we get a surprise. With no prompting from us (which she wasn't going to get this time around) our wonderful inseminatrix asks if we want to do a Trigger shot. Yay. I am, of course, terrified. I can't really say no, because then if I were to not get pregnant this month, I would always blame myself. And I *want* to have the shot, but everyone says they hurt really bad, and I'm not a big fan of pain. So, for the record...it hurt NOT AT ALL. I was a little irritated at all the people who have written in some place or other that it was extremely painful. I mean, I'm laying there, holding susan's hand and I feel a tiny little prick and she asks, "How was it?" And I say, "It's over?" Now, it did sting a bit after a minute or two, but that is not the type of pain that bothers me. It built up slowly and then disappeared within ten minutes. I should mention, that the nurse at our wonderful doctor's office gives the trigger in two shots (one in each cheek) so that it won't hurt as much. I guess it works. I doubt anyone would argue if you asked for it in two shots instead of one, so I'd do that if I were ever offered the trigger shot from someone who didn't already split it up. Anyway, the point. EVERYTHING should be right this month. No room for error in the timing with the trigger, lots of ripe and ready follicles, lots of time to relax and woo the razz. I should have two or three eggs up there waiting to be fertilized, so hopefully two weeks from now, I'll be reporting a positive pregnancy test!

How do I love thee, let me count the follicles

1...2...3...4....5! Yay! Okay, two great, beautiful, perfect follicles on the right, plus one close behind. Two respectably sized (14X14ish) follicles on the left (!) . Still no positive OPK as of 7 this morning, but that is what we expected. We are ordering "the stuff" today to arrive tomorrow to inseminate on the solstice!!! This is so exciting and feels really right. I feel strongly that this will be the month. There's a decent chance we will get twins out of this, but we will be totally happy whether we get one perfect little razz or the razz brings a twin along. For some reason, I'm really interested in the idea that we could get twins conceived on two different days, since we will be inseminating on wednesday and again on thursday. I can't wait and I think this will be the worst 2ww in terms of the baby craziness, but in some ways that's the best as well. I love to let myself get really into the excitement and possibilities. It makes for a pretty hard crash at the end of the wait if we're not pregnant, but I feel like a prefer that too trying to hold my excitement at bay just in case. This makes the wait a little bit hard for us as a couple, because Susan is the opposite way. She likes to protect herself from the crash by trying not to get completely invested in the idea that it's going to take in a given month. I think her approach is smarter and better in a lot of ways, but either way, a negative test is crushing to both of us. But that's the end of my negativity for the month :) I feel like this *has* to be the month. Five beautiful follicles of love, solstice insemination, progesterone support after the insem, and really good strong happy love vibes. Come on razz, you can do it!!

We're down with OPK -

I did the OPK this afternoon at 3:30 and it was negative. This is a good thing, because it was already too late to order "the stuff." I meant to test at 1:30, which would have put us in under the wire for ordering, but I managed to forget. I don't expect a positive until monday or tuesday, but with the higher dose of clomid, who knows what will happen this cycle, and I want to be sure not to miss it. A positive before sunday afternoon will mean another missed cycle, so keep you fingers crossed for me for the kits to stay negative this weekend!

It's Official...

Our next follicle scan will be December 19 at 2:30. I scheduled it in the afternoon because it's much nicer if we can have the rest of the day off together afterward, especially if it's not good news like last month. I expect good news this time though. It should be the right ovary, which seems happier than the left in general, and with the clomid upped to 100 it seems like this should be a good month.

A New Hope

Well, today is cycle day 1 again. It has me feeling all hopeful again now that we're officially past the skipped cycle. So, I'll be starting on 100Clomid Saturday and we'll go in for a follicle scan two weeks from yesterday. That day will be my father's birthday, which is pretty cool. Also cool is that that is the day I had planned to file my name change petition. All that stands in the way of that happening at this point is finding a typewriter. I can't believe that they *require* it to be typed, but don't have a digital version available so you can just fill it in and print it. Also the timing for the actual inseminations will probably put one of them on the solstice. That would be super cool. And since I was already planning on taking solstice and the rest of the week after it off from work, I won't need to take any additional time and I won't have to work a half day on the insemination days. Yay!

Not much to report

There's really nothing going on since we're skipping this month. I keep temping and uploading my charts (see Links to your right) and it looks sort of like I may have ovulated afterall. It doesn't really matter, since there was no way we could have arranged an insemination with the way the timing worked out. Since the doctor was closed thursday and friday, we had our follicle scan wednesday. The normal thing would have been to have another scan on friday. If I really did ovulate, we would have seen a nice big ready follicle on friday. Now, we *could* have had a scan on friday, but we would have had to do it at the hospital, and then we would have to call the poor on call inseminatrix at the last possible minute to get her to do the insem on friday or saturday. Sound like a pain? It did to us. That's why we decided to skip, so it was still the right thing for us even if I ovulated. It's feels more frustrating if I did though. Oh well. Here's hoping for a Solstice miracle! It really *will* be a miracle if the Christmas holiday doesn't jack things up the same way that thanksgiving did!

follicle what?

Sad Saddy mcSadness. No mature follicles this month. About 3 or 4 little ones on the left, none on the right. This means no insemination...again. We're upping the clomid to 100 for next time. Who knows, maybe it didn't work at all last month and I just got lucky with a nice big follicle. That's what it seems like to me, so I'm just hoping upping the dose will be all it takes. If we get to try next month, it will probably be around solstice, which is cool.

Insurance...

Well, I'm happy to report that the insurance company has decided to pay for one follicle scan and one insemination per month. Well, at least they decided to pay for one of each last month. After talking to them on the phone, I thought it would be necessary to ask our doctor to submit another request for pre-authorization, and I also thought that it would be denied. But I was pleasantly surprised to see that the doctor's office submitted a new request without any prompting from us, and apparently it was approved. Yay! Happy. We'll go in for our *free* follicle scan on wednesday. It should be too early to inseminate that day. Since we did get a positive OPK last month, we're going to wait for a positive this month and plan our insems around that, since it looks like we were early last month. If the pattern holds from last month, friday and saturday are likely to be the days. And the pattern is pretty likely to hold, seeing as it's drug induced anyway!

Preemptive Jealousy?

Well, again today I awoke at 5am to a doggie needing to go outside. Since my normal time for temping is 7:15, this is about the worst time for this to happen. It is too early to meaningfully adjust up, and too late to get 4 consecutive hours of sleep before waking for the day. Could it be that our wizard, genius dog is trying to sabotage our attempts at conception? I doubt it, but I wouldn't put it past him!